Family Planning

"Rezeki murah selepas berkahwin."

People keep saying this to me, but is it true? I believe it is for some couples, but not for all.

In the current (or perhaps has been for the past centuries) Malay culture, right after you get married people expect you to have a baby.

"Bila nak ada anak?"

They think it's so simple and that everyone actually can afford to bear a child in the early years of marriage. During the marriage course I attended in December last year, the Professor mentioned to us the importance of family planning (eg: protection). If you think you are financially unstable right after you have married, then family planning is vital. You wouldn't want your parents to still support you, and now for your own child.

When I tell close friends concerning the matter of my intention of having this family planning, some agree, others say as I have stated above, "Rezeki murah selepas berkahwin."

Of course, I should have faith in that but I cannot simply rely on the quote and hope for a large sum of money to simply fall into my lap can I? Especially when my partner and I have spent a lot on our wedding (also thanks to the Malay culture).

Why the rush to have a child when you have only just married the love of your life and can now do whatever you want with your partner? I mean, you should spend quality time with just the two of you whilst you still can. Once you have a kid, that quality time will not be the same again. So why hurry? Why rush? Because the Malay society keeps telling you to?

Screw what others think, what you and your partner thinks and wants is all that matters. Achieve your goals and targets, your needs and wants. All this while you're still young and have just your husband/wife to think about. Plus, I'm only turning 24. End of next year I'll be 25. I don't see myself becoming a mother at a young age. I would need a few more years to prepare myself financially, physically, and mentally.

However if it is God's will for me to have a child whenever He wishes it to be, then that is what I call 'rezeki' and I shall embrace it with an open heart.

Once Upon A Time

The first time she laid eyes on him was in the year 2004. It was a night class, the ones they have after school where they are taught extra lessons, for revision they say. Throughout the times she had the night classes together with him (and some other people), not once did they speak to each other. She only took one glance at him and never bothered to look at him again as she was a stupid girl who only had the hots for Caucasian men.

They started interacting with each other via Myspace after she added him through another friend. The only comments they had were about Rock the World, where she would love to go if Nitrus were to play. Music was the very first topic that connected them both.

After high school ended, she started seeing him in a different manner. She would go to the place that he worked at just so she could see him even from afar though she was unsure of what she was feeling and why she was doing that. To sum it up, they ended up together. These two people who never did really have a decent conversation either on the Internet or face to face, ended up together. 

He was good to her, he was nice. But he didn't quite know the art of treating girls. He soon bore her out and made her start to dislike him. She was 17, heartless, and soon after a Good Charlotte concert, dumped him.

A couple of years later, she was in a long term relationship with someone else. She was unhappy without her realising it. One day she found out that a few guys she knew were good friends with him. She started contacting him back and it was good. She liked his presence as he was like a close friend she could trust despite the years of not being in touch. Whenever she needed a friend to talk to, she would text him.

He was always there for her.

She never did like him more than a friend and never did the thought come across her head. "Him and I? No way! He's nothing more than a friend."

The long term relationship soon ended and she was finally free. He was suddenly more in the picture and acted weirdly. Of course she was no rookie in the whole love dating world and therefore knew what was going on with his weirdness towards her. She was secretly quite mad that he was actually falling for her again, but soon after she felt this small feeling towards him. Every time his name appeared online on Yahoo Messenger, she would be excited.

She was falling for him too.

She received an email from him with a song attached. It was downloaded few days later as she thought it was just some random song he wanted to share with her. Realising the beautiful voice belonged to him, she fell in love.

She was in love with him, beyond his angelic voice, but with him, how he truly is...his heart.

Taking the risk of being together as more than just friends, she loved him more. She fell in love with her best friend.

And up until now, she still is in love with him, her best friend, her fiancé.   

She? You got it...me! ;)

Bertepuk Sebelah Tangan

One day I will cry in my mother's lap.

"Mum, I found the one, he who came.
But mum I am heartbroken, as he does not feel the same."

:(

Frustrations

• It's frustrating that I can't fully express myself anywhere due to public issues.
• It's frustrating that some people keep choking me with their opinions when I feel the complete opposite.
• It's frustrating being forced to do things I did not intend on doing.
• It's frustrating that they think I'm alright when truthfully I get mental breakdowns when I'm all alone.
• It's frustrating having to make big decisions that may involve the future leading to dilemmas.

It's frustrating that all these have become my current frustrations.

Syukran

Alhamdulilah for him. Alhamdulilah for my family. Alhamdulilah for my job. Alhamdulilah for my life.

Alhamdulilah for I am still able to breathe.

Sense

I had this sudden realisation that I'm actually quite capable of shaping my own personality. The downside to this is once I've made myself into something, going back to how I was before becomes rather impossible.

I used to get along with people really well and was pretty much talkative myself hence the socializer I became when I was around the age of 18. I think it was right after that I thought to myself, "Men don't like women who yap all the time sounding like an annoying parrot". I may not have been a chatterbox but still I toned it down, probably too much, until I've become a quiet person. The other reason to that is due to the fact where in a couple of cases people misjudged me just by the way I talk.

For example: "No I didn't do it."
In my head it sounds perfectly sensible just like how most people would say it, but somehow to some others they think I'm angry. Probably has to do with the way my intonation sounds (like mother like daughter) but honestly please don't quickly misjudge.

Because of that, I just decided to keep quiet more than express my opinions. So yeah, that's the other reason why I changed a few things about myself. Now the problem with this is that I've made myself too much of an introvert!

Nevertheless, I shouldn't bring myself down too much. I'm not all that horrible, right? Cheers.

Between Euphoria and Melancholy

Looking at people's weddings saddens me.

And you want the whole ceremony? Okay, but that would take forever...hence the sadness.

Anyway, saw Nidji perform live today and Giring is such a sexy performer. Meow!